Aa, itsumo no you ni sugiru hibi ni akubi ga deru
Sanzameku yoru koe kyou mo
Shibuya no machi ni asa ga furu
Dokoka munashii you na sonna kimochi tsumaranai na
Demo sore de ii sonna mono sa
Kore de ii
(Shirazu shirazu kakushiteta
Hontou no koe wo hibikasete yo hora
Minai furi shiteitemo
Tashika ni soko ni aru)
Aa kanjita mama ni egaku
Jibun de eranda sono iro de
Nemui kuuki matou asa ni
Otozureta aoi sekai
Suki na mono wo suki da to iu
Kowakute shikata nai kedo
Hontou no jibun deaeta ki ga shitanda
Aa, te wo nobaseba, nobasu hodo ni
Tooku e yuku
Omou youni ikanai kyou mo
Mata awa tadashiku mogaiteru
Kuyashii kimochi mo tada nasakenakute namida ga deru
Fumikomu hodo kurushiku naru
Itaku mo naru
Aa kanjita mama ni susumu
Jibun de eranda kono michi wo
Omoi mabuta kosuru yoru ni
Shigamitsuita aoi chikai
Suki na koto wo tsuzukeru koto
Sore wa tanoshii dake janai
Hontou ni dekiru? Fuan ni naru kedo
Aa nanmai demo, hora nanmai demo
Jishin ga nai kara egaitekitanda yo
Aa nankai demo, hora nankai demo
Tsumiagetekita koto ga buki ni naru
Mawari wo mitatte dare to kurabetatte
Boku ni shika dekinai koto wa nanda
Ima demo jishin nanka nai soredemo
Aa kanjita koto nai kimochi shirazu ni ita omoi
Ano hi fumidashite hajimete kanjita kono itami mo zenbu
Suki na mono to mukiau koto de
Fureta mada chiisana hikari
Daijoubu ikou ato wa tanoshimu dake da
Subete wo kakete egaku
Jibun ni shika dasenai iro de
Asa mo yoru mo hashiritsuzuke
Mitsukedashita aoi hikari
Suki na mono to mukiau koto
Ima datte kowai koto dakedo
Mou ima wa ano hi no toumei na boku janai
Ari no mama no kakegae no nai boku da
(Shirazu shirazu kakushiteta
Hontou no koe wo hibikasete yo hora
Minai furi shiteitemo
Tashika ni soko kimi no naka ni aru yo
(Shirazu shirazu kakushiteta
Hontou no koe wo hibikasete yo hora
Minai furi shiteitemo
Tashika ni soko ni kimi no naka ni)
English Translation
Ah, on a day that passes like usual, I let out a yawn
After a boisterous night, today, too
Morning falls on the city of Shibuya
Like there’s an emptiness somewhere, that feeling is so boring
But that’s fine, something like that
I’m good with this
(Inadvertently hiding, as if you don’t know,
Your true voice, let it echo
Look, even if you pretend not to see it,
It definitely is there)
Ah, painting the way I feel it
With the colors I chose myself
In the morning clad in sleepy air
A blue world appeared
To say I love the things I love
Is terrifying and I can’t help it, but
I felt like I finally met my true self
Ah, the more I stretch out my hand, the more I reach out
It gets further away
Today doesn’t go as expected either
I’m still struggling earnestly
With feelings of frustration, my tears shamelessly fall
The further I step inside, it gets more suffocating,
and even painful
Ah, continuing the way I feel it
On this path I chose myself
On the nights I rub my heavy eyelids
Clinging to the blue promise
To continue doing the things I love
Is not simply all fun
Can I really do it? I get anxious, but
Sheet by sheet, sheet after sheet,
I keep painting since I have no confidence
Time by time, time after time,
The experience I built up becomes my weapon
I look around and compare myself with everyone
What is it that only I can do?
Even now, I still don’t have confidence, but still
Ah, the feelings I never felt before, and the thoughts I didn’t know I had
And this pain I felt on the day I took my first step, everything
By coming face to face with the thing I love
I got to touch a light that is still small
It’s okay, let’s go, all that’s left is to enjoy
Ah, I risk everything to paint
With the colors only I can have
Mornings and nights I continue to run
I found the blue light
To come face to face with the thing I love
Is still a scary thing, even now
But now I am no longer my old, transparent self
I am now irreplaceable the way I am
(Inadvertently hiding, as if you don’t know,
Your true voice, let it echo
Look, even if you pretend not to see it,
It definitely is there, it’s within you
Inadvertently hiding, as if you don’t know,
Your true voice, let it echo
Look, even if you pretend not to see it,
It definitely is there, within you)
--translator's notes--
as someone who actually did a reset on her career path right after graduating university, this song spoke to me so deeply. doing a complete reset after five years of university was terrifying, and i constantly felt like i had everything to lose if i don't succeed in this path. even though it was a path i chose on my own, it was still not an easy journey.
but, despite everything, this is me. this is who i am, and this is where i believe i'm meant to be. so even though i have doubts sometimes, i still would like to continue going down this path.
after all, i am no longer my past self who constantly tried to hide herself.
if anyone out there is feeling the same way i did six years ago, maybe this is your sign.
much love,
jia
